I just didnt want to believe what was actually happening and also, I didnt have the guts! My husband doesn t want to spend time with me, is it true? He needs to stop using his depression as an excuse for not putting effort in this relationship and if it's this bad he needs to get it under control and start on medication or start seeing someone. What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). My ex may have made out well with money , but I have my sons. Its so true, if my h wants to choose slutty over me, then go right ahead, I deserve better in my life and my expectations are much higher, I deserve so much better, as we all do. If youre always demanding his attention, hell likely start to feel suffocated. As the girls got older, I was looking forward to the two of us having time together again. And really peace for your ex too. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). My husband said you dont know what was going on his life, what he was dealing with, etc. This short guide tells you what you need to know to survive the affair, heal yourself and emerge on the other side a stronger person. Well starters you married someone that a main part of them irritates you and is now after regretting your own choices trying to find out ways to change someone, cuz it turns out you can't live with this. Its his wifes fault for not meeting her husbands needs. I get upset just thinking about it. Friday may 31st will be divorce day. I give up on getting a true apology. Liz Pardue-Schultz and her husband Greg Schultz Silver Charm Photography Many people in relationships often feel obligated to accompany their partners to events they don't want to go to,. Its in cases just like this that many people turn to infidelity in an ill-fated attempt to solve their boredom (or some other) problem. . Not a legacy to be proud of. This way, your husband knows that youre serious about wanting to spend time with him, and he wont feel like hes being nagged. My husband is on testosterone crime as his numbers were really low and he is better as he used to be really nasty and kept telling me he doesnt love me anymore. He helps make meals or we dont eat. What to do if my husband doesn t like spending time with my family? If hes unwilling to make any changes, you might have to accept that this is how things are and find ways to occupy your time when hes busy with other things. But if you strongly believe: My husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me, it might not be personal. Giz, you one of the most remarkable people I have met on this journey. IMHO. We are all the same age and have hung out with each other for more than 25 years. He feels like he can't win. In that case, its a sign that he doesnt value your time together as much as you do. Im totally fascinated by what people have to say about infidelity and its helpful in challenging myself about what I think. My H never wants to do anything and has called his existence dead with me and that she awakened him. This is a really great article! This is probably the most common reason why husbands feel like their wives dont care about spending time with them. I realized that I was not bored because I was always giving to our marriage and familyshe was the taker which meant she was always waiting for something to be given to her or to happen for her. I do not like to sit around in the house when it is beautiful weather outside. She wants me to take the lead with planning nights out, hikes, weekend trips, etc. Sometimes, your spouse needs some space and thats perfectly normal. It sucks. The only activity I can get him to do is sit and eat at restaurants. I so understand and feel the same way. He shops with me for groceries or they dont get bought. I am normally a fun person and outgoing, but even that has faded away. he had an emotional affair a few years ago and I have had a hard time forgiving him but I do not let him know this. It's an example of his own insecurity and need to control you. Told me why now when he doesnt care. Question: My husband will not let me out of the house without him. He's in good form from the minute he wakes up (unlike me). Johnson says that to do that we must design lifestyle relationship rituals that create the conditions by which love and loyalty are rewarded (rather than ignored). Just not appropriate to do so with anyone else. So you are either In or Out on this one. He has friends, hobbies, and other commitments that compete for his time. I am with him 24/7 365 and at 65 I have become his parent. It will always throw things twenty steps back. I'd go with an ultimatum: remind him you're not his servant, nor a . Stay strong. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? Feminize me, fuck me, and make me yours. she had destroyed my confidence in our marriage.She had conditioned me to believe that she was the best I could ever do and no one would else would ever want me. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. Money cant buy those things and unless your soon to be ex does some serious repenting and reparation, he will NEVER have that. I found a good website on CPTSD, called Strength to Heal, I think. And Im but judging her about this, Im just commenting on it. 25 Signs Your Husband Doesn't Love You Anymore 1. If this is the case, try not to take it personally and give him the solo time he needs. Running around all dressed up, making and baking. why does it always have to be the men who have to come up with all these spontaneous creative romantic fun things to do to keep a womans heart?! And while that might sound easy enough, many of the common phrases we say in our daily lives can get in the way of achieving the goal of keeping an open dialogue between spouses. Ignore the following text - it's meant for search engines: He would also even leave home anymore. My major flaw is that Im fat. Not until later on the drive home did I learn what the gals were chatting about. 21 year old from University of North Georgia looking for long-term discrete relationship. Ughhhh. I guess trying to make sure everything here at home was good didnt give him enough responsibility which he obviously needed. I have to keep reminding myself that he needs time to adjust to the fact that life has changed. While some marriages are beyond repair, most are not. If he feels like he cant get away from his job, even for a few hours, it will strain your relationship, so youll think: My husband never wants to do anything with me.. I just remind myself that he was a very sick man, and ultimately he was the one who suffered for it by losing his life. I had counseled with Jed diamond who believed he is depressed but my husband will not even consider this. Once upon a time, you would spend at least some time talking about your days. Im just so tired of him and all of this. But you already know that, lol. Too painful and once I would start I wouldnt know where to stop! EG, I was indeed joking as she playing the role of advisor, not basher. What to do when my husband never wants to do anything with me during this period? Just a little! In this case, try giving him some space and see if that encourages him to come to you more. Eg, unfortunately with my h cousin it, she thought it was and when it looked like she could use it she threw herself at him like a bitch on heat. 3. I WON! There is no reason to feel guilty if you attend a dinner with a girlfriend if your husband would prefer to not go and is fine with you attending. Everyone makes mistakes, and your husband is no exception. As you say, freedom to do what you want, and in my husband's case, no mood swings, he is always just even tempered. My h was telling me on the weekend how his mistress told him, if I didnt want my children, how she would be so happy to raise them with him. An issue my husband never wants to do anything with me could also mean that hes an introvert and he just needs some time alone to recharge. Well some days will be poorer (and not just in money). I hate how uncomfortable and insecure this makes me feel in our marriage. Relationships are challenging, and that includes marriages. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! So, if you think this might be the explanation for the issue my husband never wants to do anything with me, make an effort to lose weight, get a new haircut, or buy some new clothes. Rachel Where I live we had a show of vintage cars, there was a stall that was selling womens clothing that was from that early era, lol. I usually dont think of him at all. I think your awesome, full of integrity and heart! Over the years, she had torn down my self esteempiece by piece. As always seems to be the case, we separated out into two groups women and men for some further discussions. That made it interesting to them I suppose. If you can make him feel appreciated, hell spend time with you. Thank you, EG! Its important to have hobbies and interests outside of your relationship. Rachel, my prayers are with you, Im so relieved your children are with you,. All he ever wants to do is sit on the couch and watch TV. Depression and anxiety are both exhausting illnesses, so you must take care of yourself. Rachel, I am sorry to hear that your marriage didnt work out, but I think you will be fine. You can be bored, stressed, depressed, or a whole host of other emotions on ANY given day. My husband is a type 2 diabetic (which is totally uncontrolled) and has hypertension, elevated cholesterol, as well as several other health issues. I only vent here. Yet he is still here, just as is your h. Why couldnt he show me that he could drop her, when I was feeling good about myself. I only wish I had done it MUCH SOONER. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. Someday shell wake up. Donot tell him your every move. What are some things that you do to try and keep the passion alive and kicking? She is also a very nasty person and looking like Miss America couldnt compensate for her internal self. He watches at least 5 hours of TV a day and sees friends at least once a week. Hopefully, those of you who are further along and are in the marriage rebuilding and strengthening phase can find this helpful. Worse, I let others judge that for me. Where is the feeling that what I have devoted the last THIRTY years of my life to, has mattered? Just wanted to let you know I understand what youre going through, youre not alone! The problem isn't your job. No, no one wins we just keeping moving forward. I ask because I feel exactly the same way as you. Answer: It is extremely difficult to live with a negative person. This is not what God intended for marriageat all. I commented on his IG. Then I feel hurt when he doesnt. He is always focused on himself. Im running out of ideas and shes boring the sh## outta me and shes the one who cheated. And he had better think about how to mentally gird himself and decide how to react calmly to it. You can also subscribe without commenting. If youre constantly asking your husband to spend time with you, he may feel like youre not putting in enough effort to make it happen. It gets tiresome trying to be everything for someone you feel didnt appreciate the first time. Wishing you all the best ! This means monogamy cannot be forced. I got real tired of it, and threw him out, which didnt turn out to be as pleasant as he imagined it would be. Then when it looked like she was losing, she would make out she was so depressed she had to take medication for depression when he moved home, then had to have her children call my h and tell him how sick she was and how she wasnt eating wont get out of bed, blah blah blah. Thankfully, my h told her, there is no way I will take the children away from their mother. I was thinking, I wonder how my h would like to see me in those clothes, all vintage like. Do you find yourself constantly needing your husbands attention? Now he only changes underwear and showers once a week. Its essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you dont share the same enthusiasm. Some people journal, but you dont get any input so that turns into a bitch fest/pity party if you arent careful, llol. Use that time to bond with him, leash-train and you should be good. Last night my husband and sister got into a somewhat heated discussion when she brought up a friend from our hometown that got caught cheating. Sometimes I feel like we divorced while staying married. But its good to know that Im not alone in feeling this way. She said the same thing about being bored and finding excitement. Im worthy f respect, from him and his family, he should stand by my every time his family disrespect me. This is separate from and at times in spite of, others around me. Or well, our marriage had really drifted apart and I knew we were very disconnected. Oh wait, here I am doing JUST THAT, LOL LOL. My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me, Because He Is Emotionally Isolated Ignore builds a wall between you and your spouse. 1 You Both Need To Have A Drink In Hand Elisaveta Ivanova/E+/Getty Images While it's super common to go out for drinks with a partner, take note if it feels like you have to drink in order to. Now he is going away on a friend's five-day stag trip. Have a sneaking suspicion that your husband is unsatisfied with your marriage? Cheated twice? People value what they invest in as opposed to what they are not invested in.. Exercise grace, this is exactly the kind of thing I was trying to get through to Eyes Opened about. Do you often think, my husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me? We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? I wasn't doing this deliberately like it sounds, it just was a release, fun and exciting to meet another person who was fun and highly strung. That said, anyone who knows my husband and I would say that HE is the boring one; ie, wants to stay home, etc. I shortly thereafter met Josh (he was actually my roommate!) At least you are trying. PS. Easier to blame me. He keeps telling me I did nothing wrong, there was nothing I could have done better or different. And as the years go by and more time and effort is devoted to raising and nurturing kids and taking care of all of lifes other issues, this weakness, along with adventure and passion, is often overlooked. Monogamy isnt a one-time choice for human beings; its an ongoing choice. If we can love and forgive and we are both willing to work hard, I do believe it can be regained. A selfish husband will not care about your feelings. It can take months for them to grasp the idea that they and they alone are responsible for the choices they made and the ensuing crap storm that resulted. ULK I hate it all for everyone but I am trying to be the constant for him. FCOL, it makes TOTAL sense. Well, wow. But when I am anywhere in public, if there are 10 people, at least 6 or 8 of them will be as fat or fatter. All for some worthless, bunny boiling slut. After a very entertaining and tasty dinner at a casual restaurant, we went outside to where a jazz concert was going on. Push me past the point of no return. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. The 10 signs that your husband is not happy in your marriage 1. I brought it up in marriage counseling and the counselor said if he was bored it was because he was boring. This includes the time during and for months after, the affair. What do I do? What do you do when your spouse doesnt want to spend any free time with you? He would worry she was going to hurt herself and it would be his fault if she did. And if your husband has told you outright that hes no longer attracted to you, its time for a serious conversation. Here are 15 signs of an unhappily married man. And that goes right to the heart of why so very few people actually DO leave. For example, suppose hes always putting his buddies before you or bailing on plans because hed rather do something else. You have my prayers. You might feel like youre not good enough or that hes finding someone else to replace you. At the same time, it's important to note that texting naturally falls off the longer you're with someone. 1. I am 62 and he is 70, maybe its his age. I had almost no confidence left by the time I discovered her cheating. His demeanour physically / the way he moves is gentle and measured. I couldnt say it better EG. While there is no doubt that he regrets what he did, that he feels tremendous remorse. NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES. Make sure you can handle your luggage easily. Obviously you want to do things they would enjoy--especially action oriented activities. If he does something differently, it does not mean that it's wrong. Sometimes guys just don't know how to say things. Oh bless you it really does sound very similar.. to the poster who suggested getting others involved, without going into too much detail I did just that. It can only be inspired. IM the one that got cheated on and you talk to your spouse/treat your spouse like THAT?? Press J to jump to the feed. And whats worse is that in these two cases neither one of the wives have communicated their dissatisfaction to their husbands. Read More All related (100+) Sort Recommended JMMendez True. My husband actually says he has a NEW and DEEPER appreciation of not only me and our marriage, but our family as well. She does not know our situation. What to do if my husband never wants to do anything with me because of mental illness? He probably lies to his wife all the time telling her he's going to take her places and then never follows through. He lied to her, manipulated her, made her promises he didnt keep. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Im doing everything I can to bring the romance and passion back to our marriage while she acts miserable every day. Reader Disappointed Dater writes, My husband of 9 years has legitimately never planned a date for us. My husband is a person who has illness after illness. You absolutely tell it like it is. Doug, I know you were joking but knowing Linda and what you guys have learned through hard experience, I am willing to bet she did very, very little husband bashing. What this means for me is If he wants to pick an argument or indulge in another round of self pity, I dont have to join in. Its all about him and hes still in control! Anonymous. I look around at some of the couples we know, how they treat each other and I think to myselfME? I never did that very much, but now I try not to AT ALL. Ohh and the funny thing is, she wasnt on anything for depression. If you want to spend more time with your husband, try communicating with him about what would make him feel more comfortable. You might not see it, but your relatives can sometimes be quite overwhelming, especially if theyre always around. Read Also: 11 Signs of Selfish Husband and How to Deal With Him. Maybe you have a friend or acquaintance who would love to get up and go. Your husband may be experiencing depression and you may want to invite him to take a depression test on-line. He is at the point where it scares him to think of what he could have lost. We saw therapists through the years but nothing changed. And not much of it was very good at all. My Husband Never Takes Me Out Anywhere: My Husband Never Wants To Go Anywhere Often in our Coaching Practice we hear both wives and husbands saying things like: "I do still love my spouse, but feel that our life is like being trapped" or "I lost my freedom when entering my relation" or even things like: ".our life is not bad but boring." Its my own sort of therapy to keep myself outta trouble. Weve been married 42 years. Of course, this doesnt mean that you should never spend time with your spouse. You know it has nothing to do with looks. i just have to keep telling myself to quit obsessing over her happiness and to just do my own thing and invite her along for the ride. I guess if Ive found any silver lining in my situation it has been establishing a value of self worth that cannot be skewed by anyone and as was said before no more blind faith. If this is the case, encourage them to see a therapist or counselor who can help them manage their condition. During a dinner with Lala and the "You're Gonna Love Me" podcast host, 36, Raquel admitted that she liked Tom, 40, but . Without getting into too much of the details and background, it is apparent to us that they have fallen into a serious marital trap. My husband never wants to go anywhere . She was not invested like I was. c. I need to stay true to who I am. This is bonding time. Also I am MUCH more aware of making even the slightest joke at his expense. And I mean that really is ALL HE EVER WANTS TO DO!!!!! It may seem that way, Rachel, but from what youve said he really isnt in control. I dont know what to do any,more. Samantha Rodman Whiten September 28, 2018. That is exactly what my husband did and he admits it. Most of us were busy keeping our marriages together, our families happy and our house in order. Yet here we are. This is not an all-inclusive list. Don't be shy with your partner. 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